Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
