I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You need a sexual gate keeper
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
