Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
