So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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