Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
