I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
