I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
