I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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