For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
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Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
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I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How naked do you want me to be?
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