my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
