you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
