someone get that fucking seahorse.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
