is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Two words: blizzard sex
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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