when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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