just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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