I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
