ya dads aren't the best wingmen
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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