I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
