The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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