I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
