Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
