Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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