I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
