did you get engaged???
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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