So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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