I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
