dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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