i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
