this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
