I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
These tits shall not be calmed
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
