thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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