Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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