Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
