I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
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hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
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I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches