This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
