I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
