there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
