does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
