He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
