i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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