i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
