weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
