omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
