If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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