3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
