i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
