We won't sleep together?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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