I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
