Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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