he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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