absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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