i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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