Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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