oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
