I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
