I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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