I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you would pick up someone in the library
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
