GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
