sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
