Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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