can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
