Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
