If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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